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Getting Your Guy To Play With Toys It’s a question I get from women all the time: How do I ask my partner to try a toy in bed with hurting his feelings or making him feel like he’s “not enough?” Yeah, I get it. You’re looking to try something new. Or maybe you want to try a special toy that promises to hit all the right notes. Or you have a certain fantasy you’d like to play out. But then you look over at the happy snoring lump next to you and you wonder how to bring it up without your man and his ego recoiling in horror. It can be done and it’s easier than you think. First, arm yourself with this fact: And yeah, sure, some guys can feel like they are being “replaced” by a toy, or can’t keep up with the fabulous-ness of a vibrator. But some simple reassurance can clear that up right away! So, how do you suggest a toy? If he’s the type that’s pretty game, then you’re on your way! You two can pretty much just go online and start picking out some toys that turn you both on! Or you may even send him a link to one of our toys you’ve been eyeing with a little notes saying, “I know it’s not Christmas yet, but…” and see what he thinks. (Just be careful about those work emails… No need to get him fired just because kitty wants to come out and play!) But if you’re not quite sure what his reaction might be, then here are a few ways of bringing up the subject. Keep It Light. If you come at him in a serious tone, you’re going to freak him out. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun. And Toys are fun. So Sex Toys are double the fun! If you come at him with some serious, “We need to TALK” tone, he’s going to be defensive before you even begin and feel like you’re unhappy with your sex life. And you’re probably not going to get what you want. If you’re shy about the topic or think he may be shy, sometimes it’s easier to bring up the subject in a round about way, like, “you know a friend of mine was telling about how fun this one toy is…”. (And that’s not lying, because I’M telling you!) Or you could tell him about a sexy dream you had with him in it… Hey, daydreams count! And if he says, “oh yeah? Tell me more…” then you can suggest adding in some fun! Or another way to go is maybe pop in a sexy movie that gets your motor running. Maybe during it, you can say, “hmm, that kinda looks good, wanna try that? Or maybe even branch out and try something else? I’m feeling adventurous!” Sometimes a visual enticement will help open the doors to talk about new ideas, especially while the two of you are feeling hot and bothered. And please remind him that the toy is still not in charge, HE’S in charge… Of your orgasm. He’ll be drunk with power! You’ll be surprised. Once the two of you get started, you may get a nice little toy box of fun going. And who says you’re too old to play with toys? It’s just the opposite. The older you get, the better the toy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dealing with a partner with a lower Libido Dear Cleo, Everything else in our relationship is great. We spend good quality time together both at home and going out. We don't see each other
as he works a lot of the week, and he always says he misses me. But
when we do have quality time together, nothing seems to happen and I end up just end up thinking 'what’s wrong with us?'
It's not like I'm hugely demanding, but I want it a bit more than once every few weeks, it’s supposed to be enjoyable, not a chore, he should WANT to share it with me too. I thought talking was the best way to solve something.... obviously not. So I've tried all kinds of things to initiate sex but every attempt backfires because there'll always be some excuse as to why we can't or he just won't give me the opportunity, almost as if he's avoiding it! I'm really stuck for how I can solve this. Please help!!! That's one in THREE men! And it's usually just a temporary thing. So here's how to deal with it without going insane. First thing that I want to say to you is that IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Do you hear me? I know how easily it can be to blame ourselves when our dude is not trying to stick his square peg in our round hole, but there are a lot of different reasons your man may not be so interested in sex lately. And so what you need to do is put yourself in his shoes before you can try to get into his pants, know what I mean? What's the number one factor that keeps Mr. Stiffy hiding under the covers? That makes sense, right? I mean, aren't we the same? I don't know about you, but if I'm panicky about my checkbook, feeling like a fat cow or I'd rather kick my man in the teeth than screw him... well, my desire AIN'T THAT GREAT EITHER. Another big libido killer is pure exhaustion. If he's working too much, sleeping too little and not taking care of himself, then the idea of sex may seem, well, like a lot of work. Another major influence in his drive could be physical. He may not know it, but he could have a health situation that can harm his desire. Like what? Well, for instance, 50-70% of men with diabetes have experienced erectile dysfunction. He could have lower levels of testosterone, hypothyroidism, chronic pain, etc. Certain medications, such as anti-depressants can kill his desire. Or may be having performance issues that he may feel too embarrassed to discuss with you. If he is having a spell where he’s aving a difficult time maintaining an erection or getting one at all, the idea of trying to have may seem, well, no fun for him, just stressful (A decent physical could clear up that mystery pretty quickly..) And then there are psychological issues... Some men battle past physical or sexual abuse, or have anger or past relationship issues that are unresolved. And then there's the dreaded chance that infidelity is playing a part. A LOT to swallow, huh? OK, before you start panicking or sticking your head in the oven, THERE ARE some things you can do... First, like I said before, try to be understanding. I mean he's not purposely withholding his affection. (And if he is, well, hell, get another man!) So, let's talk about talking. Think about if YOU were the one that had a low sexdrive... and were PAINFULLY aware of it. You're going to be defensive if your man came up to you and said, "What's wrong with you? I want to have sex!" So, you don't want to go to your man that way. I would just ask him if there is anything going on in his life that is causing him stress, anything that could help him with? Then you can kindly tell him how much he means to you and that you really miss your intimate time together. Remember to pick a time when you guys are in a relaxed mood, and not in the sack. If you guys have gotten into a rut, you could start to introduce new things, without going overboard. I mean, don't come home in a clown outfit with an ostrich. Baby, steps, darlin'. His libido won't bounce back in five seconds, so don't try to FIX him. Just be on his side. You could let him know that you are not trying to add stress into his life and perhaps suggest a little quickie, which could take less time and energy. If he's not game to this, and you two have your suspicions that it could be something physical, then I would use your lady powers to get him to go see the doctor. You could let him know that it's completely natural, because it is! I'd just explain to your man that you want him to be his healthiest and happiest, so why not get a check-up and make sure, right? What else can YOU do? How about plan non-stressful, non-sexual time? Intimate time for the two of you that's a priority. Whether it's a vacation or a back rub... Just something that tells him he's loved and cared for.. This low libido can cripple his ego, because men are supposed to in the mood all the time, so he's GOT to be super sensitive about it. Letting him know that you are on his side will help him become more secure. And I would start spending some more time pampering yourself in this phase of your relationship. Because your ego is going to take a hit too. So buy a new dress, get a manicure, step up your yoga classes, go out with the girls, and work that vibrator. YOU should not become a martyr because he's going through a funk. Stay your happy hot sweet self and it will draw him to you. Whatever issues he has, they are his issues. Don't take them on. Now, if you suspect that they are more of the psychological in nature, then I would strongly urge the two of you, of your man by himself, seek some form of therapy. I know, it may seem easier to suck blood out of a rock, but hear me out. Sometimes, it's great to have an educated third party to help us see what we cannot see for ourselves and help us get out of the mental muck. If he's got anger from the past or if you guys are having some relationship crap that won't seem to go away on it's own, well then you need someone that will help you move through it in a healthy way. And if he's NOT willing to work on your relationship, well, that speaks volumes. Then you may want to think what the real issues are in your relationship. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Make Your Honeymoon A Hottie-Moon Congratulations, my little bride to be! Soon you will be walking down the aisle and joining in holy matrimony with the man of your dreams. But before you forget, let’s talk about the most important things you need to prepare: You have the something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue right? Well, do you have something SPECIAL planned for the Honeymoon? Huh? OK, here's the scoop: You know how weddings are planned to the very last drop? The flowers, the invitations, the rubber chicken, the speeches. Every second, every color, every dance… It’s all mapped out to the mili-second. And why do you do this? Because it’s your special day. The day you will remember forever. But you know what? The Honeymoon is the WEEK that’s the first week of the rest of your lives. just the two of you. Together. And that should get some value to it too, don’tcha think? So let’s put a little thought into the Honeymoon besides where you're going to go and what you're going to wear the first night. You’ll be setting the intimate, exciting tone of your married life! Here are a few simple ideas: And while you're at it, make your rules ahead of the game. You don't want unwanted surprise to come up during the fun. So decide what are your limits, what makes you go "OOOOH!" and what makes you go "UGH" ahead of time. Let's not come home and already need a marriage counselor, ok? 2. Theme Your Wedding? Theme a Honeymoon Night! Going off to ski? Show up as a hot snow bunny wearing only your ski boots and ski cap while you enjoy handling his ski pole! Try to find ways of incorporating your destination into your desires and vice versa... It will make those memories even fonder. 3. Naught Vows Time to share new, naughty vows with each other, preferably while enjoying some act of Lovin'! For instance: Say you decide your man some tender caressing... You can whisper a new set of vows you couldn't mention in front of Nana and Granpop. Like how you promise to Handle and to Hold While Thicker and Harder ....To his "Little Death" do you part for rest. (And I say LITTLE DEATH, because in French,the saying, Le petit mort, or little death, means orgasm...) This will also help you guys have fun with a little naughty talk in the bedroom later or fun phone sex during those business trips. 4. Rally For Oral You both may find this to be a night you'll want to often incorporate into your normal routine. (Because you KNOW I do, wink, wink!) 5. Strangers in the Night You stay in character and accidentally run into each other like two people alone for a night.... And have fun playing out where that may take you. It may open you guys up for more fun roleplay for later. (And you may find you'll be renting a hotel room every once and a while at home!) 6. Give That Bed A Rest I've always been a fan of those pretty bathroom counters in the fancy hotel rooms. Good height, plenty of mirrors, And someone else cleans them! But hey, you can find a coconut to coco all over his nuts, or enjoy the view of the balcony while you enjoy each other. 7. Add Some Toys! These toys take up very little space but will pack a sexy punch! The bottom line is the only limit is your imagination. And while the pictures of your wedding will last a lifetime, the sexual variety you create on your honeymoon will allow your marriage and your sex life to evolve and get better over the years. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What He REALLY Wants When He Gets Home How is your life in the bedroom lately? I know almost everyone I've talked to lately seems to be going through rough times. And it starts in the real world, but bleeds into the bed, know what I mean? A lot of my friends have been complaining that their sex life is flat-lining right now. Why? Their men are STRESSED OUT. The economy is kinda sucky, and bills are piling up. People are freaking out left and right. Stress can KILL your sex life, if you don't watch out. And though we know that sex is a great stress reliever, sometimes it's hard (or NOT HARD, as the case may be...) to get in the mood when you come home egg-zausted from dealing with daily crapola. But what is it that we want when life gets too nuts? I know I like to be cared for when I'm having a bad day... So I’m sure you do too and so does your man. And, sometimes the kindest and SEXIEST acts can come when they are completely unexpected. So the next time your man comes home from a day of dealing with nut jobs, bills and traffic, why not give him a present, strictly to be kind? Those random acts of intimate kindness are beautiful ways of telling your man, "I'm gonna take very good care of you, baby." We all want to know we are loved and not taken for granted. A surprise sensual gift may be just the thing that reminds him that the two of you are on the same team. And that intimacy translates from the head in his pants to the head on his shoulders. So next time you sense your man is tense, try this erotic TLC and give for the sake of giving. See if it doesn't help get the two of you back on track in the sack! (Wow, I sound like a kinky Dr. Seuss!) What your man needs, especially after a hard day at work, is an EROTIC MASSAGE. Yeah, yeah, a massage, you say. WHATEVER... But if you follow my suggestions, your man will be eating out of your hands. First thing you've got to do is keep in mind that men are very visual creatures. They love their ladies naked. So I suggest that is how you give him a massage. Or maybe just a cute little pair of panties. But you're going to want to be topless later... Get him to lie down naked, under a towel. (Although, that may be somewhat HARD to do if you're naked, showin' your boobies and all, wink, wink.) Microwave some wet washcloths. You're going to take them and wrap them around his feet. Not only does this feel oooooooh so good on his little toes, but it will save you from smelling stinky feet. (Hey, I'm looking out for you...) Get yourself some lotion and slather it all over his little footsies. The aromatic massage oil by Kama Sutra is a good lotion to try. It not only feels good, it smells good too. http://www.cleosboutique.com/view_item.php?id=117& Take your two thumbs and massage the oil up from the heel. Work inward out, slowly and deliberately. Then gently pull on each toe, to lightly stretch them out. Now after you've spent some time on his feet, it's time to move on to his hands. You're going to want to take your thumbs, and with a slow, circular motion, massage the palms of his hands. Finish up again with slight pulls on each finger. You can even lightly touch each fingertip with your mouth, just a little coming attraction, if you get my drift. Now the real fun for him begins. While he's lying on his stomach, get on top of him. Straddle him. As I said, panties optional here... Get yourself a liberal amount of lotion and smother it all over his body. Start rubbing up and down his spine and from the spine out. Occasionally, give him a little squeeze with your thighs, just to keep him excited. Take a moment to go up and down his back with your nails, ever so slightly scratching his back. Then go back to massaging his shoulders and neck. You can have a lot of fun here, teasing the hell out of him. Let your nipples rub up and down against his back as you rub his shoulders. Or lightly lick and nibble on his ears while you rub his neck, then take out your nails again and lightly scratch up and down his arms. Make sure you spend some time slowly rubbing that yummy little butt of his, wide circular motion with all four fingers together, then caresses with your finger tips up and down his legs and butt. He'll be in sensory overload... Now, before you have him flip over, take a moment to run your fingers through his hair (or just scratch his scalp) and then take your thumbs and rub his temples with slight pressure in a circular motion. NOW, have him flip over... He should be lying on his back and you should, again, be straddling him. This is the other reason you can be topless, it's an added bonus for him, to have one of his favorite views while being pampered. Just give him a light massage on his chest, rub his pecs and his arms, while stealing a kiss every once and a while... if he's still just lying there and hasn't actually pounced on you like a black panther. And don't forget his nipples. You can lick them, lightly put them between your teeth, rub your nipples against his... He'll be DYING with desire. But that's not all... What massage would be complete without a HAPPY ENDING? That's right. Feed his fantasy and give him a fabulous BJ. It will be the happiest happy ending he's ever had. NOW THAT will be a welcome home that he will never forget. And you will have made your man so much more appreciative of his sexy, hot, spontaneous, rockin' woman -- YOU. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Have you ever had sex with your man and instead of feeling CLOSER to him, you felt a million miles away? You connected physically... but emotionally, you have no idea what he was thinking and he really didn't know what was going on in your head. Perhaps he climaxed and you didn't, but you led him to believe you did. Or you just had a bit of a wham, bam, thank you ma'am and instead of having a sweet moment after, he pecks you on the cheek and turns on the TV. You are left feeling a little unloved or rejected. Or perhaps you are trying to rock his world but it just doesn't seem to be, um, working... So, you’re feeling like a little tiny wall has popped up in between the two of you in bed. Hmm. That doesn't feel that great, does it? Want that to stop? OK, hold that thought for a moment. You know, we talk a LOT about different kinds of sex around here. OK, I talk, you read, minor detail... FOCUS. And I really like to hammer it into your pretty little head that sex is supposed to be fun, happy, and healthy. An orgasmic roller coaster ride for your pink parts, right? OK, well let’s continue to talk about sex, but another side of it. The more intimate, spiritual side. OK, before you run off and put on your ball gag and latex panties, hear me out. You KNOW by now that I'm a HUGE fan of variety in the sack. Sometimes it's just fun having oral sex, or sometimes there's toys, fantasies and racy costumes involved. Other times there's the great outdoors. Sometimes it's a quickie, other times it's a longie... You get it. But, it’s also very important to have what I like to think of as more spiritual, intimate sex. You may just think of this as making love. But I do believe there is a possibility to really communicate with your man and become closer through the act of sex. HUH? OK. Sex is an amazing form of communication right? We can convey so much from this act. We can show our love, we can bestow a gift on one another. We can be primal and animalistic. We can live out fantasies. And you can also gage your relationship from the quality of your sex. Because we all know when it's "over" or there's no "chemistry." We know when our lover is generous or selfish, when we are confident or insecure. Sex says A LOT. So, are you two really connecting in bed? I have found through talking to hundreds of couples and therapists that incorporating a few concepts used in spiritual sex can really enhance not just your sex life but your relationship in general. Trust me, when I first started researching this subject, I was NOT interested in some lame ass, hippy-do-dah sex trip that was going to breathe my inner goddess into a love flower while my man banged on a drum. Ugh, I may throw up. But luckily, that's not what we're dealing with. Sure you can buy some Tantric books that are filled with the New Age-y bark speak, but I'm not throwing that your way. What I will do is share some information you may want to keep in mind and a popular, introductory position that works really well to bring you closer to your man. So let’s start with the basics… WHAT THE HELL IS TANTRA? The word TANTRA actually is Sanskrit for "woven together" and can be loosely defined as a system of Hindu yoga that worships the union between a man and a woman. Pretty cool, huh? If you approach sex in a spiritual way, then you view orgasms as an EXCHANGE of energies between lovers. And the goal for this exchange is to bring the feeling of oneness with your partner. So with spiritual or Tantric sex, you’re NOT having fast, wild humping, because as sex educator Lou Paget says in her book Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming, "When sex is 'hasty,' the man and the woman are not able to exchange sexual energy harmonize with each other, and may even drain each other of energy." With the more spiritual approach, ideally you will not drain each other of energy, but CONTRIBUTE to each other. With proper breathing and the two of you working towards orgasm in a more meditative state, you can extend your love making for an hour. Your goal is to stay CONNECTED. And you do that by maintaining eye contact and matching each other's breathing. I know this may sound hard, or even that maybe the two of you will crack up, but that's fine. You two are trying something new, a new process and no one is expecting that you'll be in perfect tune with each other right away. Don't worry if you're doing it right or wrong. It's your pleasure that matters most. Just try to remain calm and relaxed. GETTING READY FOR SPIRITUAL SEX. The most important thing to remember is that you two MUST have the right attitude. And all that really means is that you are BOTH willing and open to the POSSIBILITY of spiritual sex. Have the same intention going into it or it won't work. Give yourself a time to engage where you guys won't be interrupted. If you have 10 minutes before the kids are going to be home or he's ready to go during the commercial break of the football game, forget it. That's a quickie or vibrator night for you. Wait until you have a nice chunk of time alone and in an atmosphere that you create that makes you feel sexy and comfortable. Candles, some yummy smelling oils, anything that makes you two feel soothed and relaxed. There are even candles now whose wax can be
used as massage oil when melted. http://www.cleosboutique.com/view_item.php?id=264& OK, if you're game... TRY THIS POSITION... The YAB YUM position is what is known as the "ultimate form of Tantric Union." Why? Because in this position a man and woman's energy centers or “Chakras” are aligned so that the energy can flow up and down and through the partners. (It also feels really good!) So what you guys are going to do is sit upright, face to face. Your partner will sit cross-legged and you will spread your legs and sit on top of his thighs. Your legs go around his torso. Try to touch the souls of your feet together behind his back. (The idea is the slight elevation that you get sitting on him will put your energy in proper alignment with his.) Now, he can put his arms around you and your arms around him. Maintain eye contact and kiss gently. You can then try breathing in his breath and vice versa. In the beginning of this sexercise, try having him just hold the tip of his erection in you. Without moving, with only your mouths touching, use your PC muscles to lightly HUG his tip. Then have him slip out. Then have him penetrate you fully, without any thrusting, just you "hugging" his erection with you PC muscles. And just practice staying connected: Eyes, mouth, hands, pink parts. Allow a moment of stillness to flow into the next moment... Try it a few times and see if you don't feel more emotionally connected as well as sexually connected. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Why Your Pink Parts Should Go Green So, I'm sitting here in beautiful Southern California, surrounded by hybrid cars, cloth bags for groceries and recycled paper. And wasn't it just a matter of time before we started to look at our sex lives and see how we can be more environmentally friendly? No, I'm not talking about recycling condoms... Oh, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth from that visual. I'm talking about sex toys and other "Sexcessories" that are not only good for your KITTY but good for the planet. Now I know some of you will think, "Awesome, Blossom! Where do I sign up?" But others will think, "OOOOOOOOOOh brother, how lame can you get?" Hey, I'm not saying this article is for everyone. Some people could care less about the so called GREEN products and think those who do care are a bunch of tree huggin' sprout eaters. And that's cool. You go enjoy your McDonald's and aerosol spray while leaving all the lights on. I'm not here to judge. But there are a ton of people out there who are becoming more and more interested in / concerned with the stuff we eat / wear / inhale / stick in our butts. (Seriously, who else gets to write stuff like this? I love my job.) So, for YOU, I set out to explore the land of eco- friendly sex toys and found that you can rock your pretty clitty and Mother Earth at the same time. I mean, if you didn't have a reason to play with sex toys before, DO IT FOR THE ENVIRONMENT!!!! Let me start by telling you what the benefits are for playing green: Eco-Friendly sex toy manufacturers have taken out the hormone disrupting PHTHALATES. What the hell are Phthalates? Put on your learning cap and I'll tell ya. Phthalates are oil-derived chemicals that have been used to soften dildos, vibrators and ahem, butt plugs. (Along with children's toys.) These phthalates have been found to allegedly pose a risk to human health and the environment. Yikes! So much so that they have been banned from kids toys in Europe permanently. Need more of a push? Well, get this... GREENPEACE... Yes, THE Greenpeace issued a TOXIC SEX TOY WARNING... (I swear when I read that, I just about fell out of my chair. How hilarious and tragic is that, at the same time???) The organization warned NOT to shove the "Spectra Gel Anal Plug" or the "Crystal Jelly Double Dong" where the sun does not shine, if you get my drift. So I figure, if it's a health risk to the kiddies, then it could be a health risk to my KITTY. So here are a few of my ECO-Favorite things: Anything LELO Lelo is a Swedish company that makes super pretty, super hot, and super green sex toys. They're very sleek in design. You can leave most of their toys out and claim them as a piece of art. (Who would be the wiser, wink, wink.) Their toys are ergonomically designed to fit every nook and cranny of your body, promising to make both your pretty clitty and G-Spot a converted fan. And they're made with medical-grade silicone, making these darlings toxin free. The only drawback is that they are more costly, but the quality is excellent and they last longer, so I think they're worth it. (Momma L has several Lelo's in her toy box!) I'm especially partial to The Lelo Elise Vibrator
and the Lelo Lily Massager.
And for you little sex kittens that like a little THE RABBIT HABIT I know, I know. There's a TON of fans out there of the Rabbit. Especially after "Sex and the City" came out with an episode featuring the Rabbit, it became the most googled sex toy all around the world! Well, here's another version of the Rabbit, still fabulous, with all the same yummy stimulations but is crafted from 100% Elastomer and is phthalate-free. Now that's something to climax over! Women’s Agape Warming Lube One of the few water-based lubricants that feels like silicon. The Women’s Agape is an excellent choice for anyone with skin sensitivities. It is long lasting and never sticky feeling. It is non-toxic, non-allergenic, and odor and fragrance free. http://www.cleosboutique.com/view_item.php?id=143& Wow, all this talk about sex toys... I may have to um, practice what I preach... I'll be back soon with more answers to your sexual questions. In the meantime, have FUN researching! Take Care and Happy Sex ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
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