We’ve all been there. That pivotal point where you are mentally planning your next verbal attack that will hit him below the belt and have you coming out on top of the argument…only for him to get even more angry, regress in communication and need time alone before he blows. Do we really want to put him there? No, of course not.
We want to get our point across and have the last word, but ladies you need to be carful how deeply we make the cut. Often we are a bit more witty and quick-mouthed than men and despite their ‘manly, non-sensitive’ front – they do have feelings and it’s not that difficult to hurt them.
Below are 5 helpful tips to bring you down a notch when you’re about to throw the dagger that could take this small tiff from an argument to a full blown, not speaking for days FIGHT.
1. Deep breathe and think about it for at least 10 seconds. This is no easy task, but I guarantee if you think about the nasty thing you have been planning to say for at least 10 seconds you won’t say it. This will save you an apology and the extended amount of time he’ll take before makeup sex.
2. Repeat his ‘point’ back to him. As we all know, conflict can often occur out of misunderstanding. Make sure you are crystal clear on exactly what it is he has said, feels and wants by re-stating what you think you heard. Many times you’ll find that you heard it wrong or that’s not what he meant. This is a great time to clarify that.
3. When he shouts, start talking. This is another one that will take some serious biting of the tongue, but it works. If he starts to shout and get more aggressive, immediately begin talking in a calm collected voice to him. He has clearly begun to flip, so bringing him back to a peaceful conversation will get much more accomplished and many more necessary topics discussed. He will also see that you’re not in attack mode, so his defenses will come down.
4. Throw a joke in there. This will show him that it’s just not that serious. You two don’t agree or still have things to workout and discuss, but in the grand scheme of things dinner is still on tonight. This is what having a healthy relationship is all about. You don’t have to agree on everything, but when you do argue make sure you understand there is a calm outcome that will always be the ending.
5. Watch your body language. Arms crossed, foot tapping and lips pursed doesn’t exactly give off the ‘babe, I just want to calmly discuss this’ vibe. Keep your arms down and wide open, face him with full focus on his face and engage when speaking to him so he knows you are 100% into this conversation. This is showing that the topic you are discussing is something you truly care about and want to get to the bottom of. This also shows that you are open to his opinion and ideas, while not giving off the ‘shut down’ vibe.
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